Suffering & Disappointments

Suffering or disappointments are ubiquitous. In and of themselves, are not measurements of God's love or lack of love. Much like the man who was blind from birth in the bible (John 9), did he sin or did his parents sin or did God not love him?

It may be too one dimensional for us to measure God's love or lack of love for us by how our expectations of a desired life turned out. In fact, most of the time, we are unfair to God. Out of ten expectations, if God fulfilled nine, we would still think He is unfair. We would focus on the one unmet one, believing that it is more valuable to us than the other nine when in reality, if any of the nine is swapped with this particular one, we would likely think the same way. The unrealised one is always amplified, and its importance seems to grow until the joy of our life hangs on it.

We often wonder if God is all powerful, why can't He just make our suffering stop or cause my disappointments to go away. Surely He can intervene and change the course of our situations.
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"We must recognise that divine intervention is nowhere near as simple a thing we might imagine. For it to sustain us and give us staying power - to help us to remain firm and see God's hand at every stage of our lives - it must look quite different from what we would usually prescribe for ourselves." - Ravi Zacharias, The Grand Weaver

Perhaps the greatest weapon that Satan could wield at us is our contented worldliness. Not that God intentionally caused our sufferings and disappointments so that we would remain in Him, but He may have chosen not to intervene so that we are in touch with ourselves. The pains cause our search internally and with diligence and courage, we would find what causes the pains to magnify and by relying on God, find wholesome restoration. Then our souls find their places and we become undisturbed by circumstances. 

In contrast, if God intervenes every suffering and disappointment and our lives turned out just the way we desire, there may be two detrimental possibilities. One, we would be drunk with our worldly happiness, blind to the state of our souls and be eternally lost. Two, we become spoilt brats because no one has to pay for any mistakes made, neither our own faults nor the errors of others. There are simply no consequences for any choices made. Then we would be truly evil. All of us would then require God's constant interventions to relieve us of the multiple poor decisions.

Our final destination will be where our heart is set on. If our heart is set on God, then all of life's circumstances, both good and bad, draw us to God. If our heart is set on ourselves, we will self-glorify in happy times and self-pity in challenging times. Imagine that relative, that friend or that colleague whose head swells bigger than his neck could hold in successes, how irritating, almost nauseating! Imagine that same person, in troubled times, oh the endless self-pity party! When our focus is on self, no matter what the circumstance is, we end up in self-destruction. 

How to avoid deviating from the life God has set before us, here are some attempts which I find helpful:

• Avoid envious pining after others' life. If there is anything we are envious about the other person's life, we give thanks on the person's behalf. We thank God that He has blessed him/her. This sounds extremely crazy but I have found this to be beneficial to halt envy and to be truly a community to another.
• Do not compare with others. Comparison is the devil's snare. As much as we could have been dealt with better cards, we could have been dealt with worse ones. Besides, all things are not equal. We are probably comparing only one aspect. Life is multi-faceted and cause-and-effect are not always clear to us.
• Avoid self-pitying glances at own happy past. Recognise that life has different seasons. Not only do circumstances change, we too change with time. Hopefully, our changes better equipped us to cope with challenging times, rather than repeatedly fail us as we age.
• To remind ourselves that God's lack of intervention is not a lack of His love. What is happening is a normal course of life. God's intervention is His perusal, not our entitlement. If God intervenes, it is a miracle. Miracles are rare, not a norm. That being said, miracles do happen and of course God is able to make them happen. However, miracles occur in accordance to His perfect wisdom. On our end, we trust His love and wisdom while making the best of the situation.
• Give thanks for what we do have. Be thankful and cherish what we have. Thankfulness breeds joy and peace (Phil 4:8-9). In addition, we never know when we may lose them. It is better to enjoy a bird in hand, than to pine for a bird on the tree.
• ​Pray and ask God to help us make sense of what is happening. A continued conversation with God, sharing our genuine anguish and questions, will be helpful. An answer from Him on either the purpose behind this episode or a clear course of action from Him, would chase away gloom whenever the skies began to turn dark. 

​Could we perhaps rephrase Romans 8:37-38 this way:

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither our sufferings nor our disappointments,  nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Let all of life be focussed on God; on Christ. Assured that He loves us, is with us and is in us. May we, even through our pains, be able to make sense of our godly appointments amidst our disappointments.

This is a note to myself, lest I lose my way in my disappointments as close friends would know where we have been hurting. Also a note to readers of this post, wherever your hurting or challenging point is, nothing separates you from the immense love of God. Maybe for some time now, our altered emotions (a feeling of a lack of love from God) betrays us but if you would guard your heart with the points above, you may discover that God's abiding love has always been with you.